Commies, the UBI, Capitalists, Bullshit, And Schofield.

Having fully subscribed to the “I am now a communist. Now what?” brigade, I have taken to boring my friends to death on newly-discovered social media for shits and giggles. Like many leftists, I evaded the social media thing until the bitter end, until the only possible means through which I could communicate with another human being was via one of those fucking stupid phones that eat your brain or turn it into advertising jingles, or do things with my personal data that makes my personal data seem far more important than it is. Of course, the real reason why I didn’t join the social media was that I find other people extremely boring and I like to think that I am important enough to actually bother protecting my personal data. As conspiracy theorists are well aware, a wrathful and spiteful God is better than a God who doesn’t give a fuck and probably doesn’t exist. So, to atone for my newly impassioned role as content provider for Facebook, a company creepy enough to call their employees “family members”, I have become a rabid, fevered communist: a communist with the zeal of a recent convert, in fact. And, in a major twist of irony, an irony that many communists share, their declaration of a stateless, classless utopia where everybody lives according to need rather than the dictates of a private mode of production does, in the end, lose you a lot of friends, largely because you end up browbeating them about being bourgeois all of the time.

The nice thing about communism though, and one it’s many facets and ironies is that you don’t actually need anybody else. And that probably goes some way toward explaining why nobody is a communist. If everybody was a communist there would be nothing for existing communists to moan on about. Instead, every existing communist has to form at least 700 splinter groups just to contain his or her (or whatever transgendered variants of those terms have emerged recently in Boy George goes Spastic land – I apologise for failing to keep up with the current issues of Smash Hits! and maintaining my binary thoughts) various tendencies, plots, sects, splinter groups among themselves, and of course, all of the all-out wars on the age-old “was Trotsky a bit of prick?”, Sino-Soviet, “Khrushchev was a fucking running dog counterrevolutionary bourgeois paper tiger scumbag.” “Fuck you Mao with your cultural revolution bullshit. Stuff your peasants up your fat arse you cunt” stuff. And that’s just one person.

To calculate it accurately, you would need 490 billion Communist Parties. This would, via the bullshit job, resolve the unemployment crisis, if not the profitability one. Which was what this post was going to be about.

The Universal Basic Income, and why it’s a load of old cobblers from people who should really know their “capitalists are ruthless profiteering bastards” shtick better than that. In short, the UBI is shit because why on Earth would a bunch of capitalists want a bunch of consumers have any time to think about things? An overworked, brainwashed population plodding some bullshit job or other for 60 hours a work pretending it matters makes a far better consumer than somebody who never has to even leave the house and spends most of their time getting stoned, talking about philosophy and reading long books on Hegel. The former, which is the good life, apparently, keeps your personal debts up, and keeps the peasants too exhausted to realise that they can basically live on boiled potatoes and nothing that awful is going to happen to them. And slowly it’ll sink in: “Hang on! We’ve already got enough shit! These cunts are trying to extract profit out of me rather than selflessly provide me with my 68th sofa of the day because I’ve got choice and I’ve got freedom and I’ve got power!”

They wouldn’t want that. So you have to the bullshit thing instead for 87 hours a week, on 24 hour call because of the phones. The proof that all work is bullshit is the fact that commuting still exists for non-manual work. If there was anything at work to do other than just show up on time, nobody would ever commute anywhere. It’s pointless. They’d just do the fucking work at home and send it over the fucking internet. They would do it in the nude. Whilst masturbating. To Philip Schofield on This Morning.

Revolutionary thinking indeed.


Paid Parody, Sheckles

  • The poem at life’s end
  • Is all that I can send.
  • Its the last desperate lurch
  • Of a parrot on its perch.

My Favourite Albums that are available on YouTube, #2

The Fall are difficult to write about because their music absorbs every comment.

For that lucky few who know, The Fall happen to be the most important group that have ever existed. To marry a defiant, belligerent working-class ethos with artistic sensibility, and to remain as unflinching as they have been for 40 years ought to be admired. To those in the cult it is. To most it is an absurd caricature or a quirky irrelevance. Most people are morons though.

This particular track has everything an initiate needs to understand them. The shabby but simultaneously tight rhythm, the paranoiac lyrical overtones, lines that conceptually and continually collapse into one-another, that threaten to become incomprehensible but never quite do. Intelligence without bourgeois status. An unseen past is expressed in a mere syllable.

12 / 12 Pak Choi

My Favourite Albums that are available on YouTube, #1

It is a shame that by the time Yoko Ono got into the life of The Beatles everything was already more-or-less dead with them. It is less of a shame that Yoko Ono was blamed for that influential split that has heavily influenced band-based machismo since. But it is still a shame that it leads to that conceit: to never get women involved in rock music.

Obviously, this record tries to do something else – to use and abuse rock rhythms in a deeply subversive way that turns guitar feedback into a female voice: then, to marry that sound with the broader concept of John and Yoko’s marriage. Love was a part of it, but love was used as an excuse. John Lennon was more than aware of how the concept of love can be used to sell records – it was The Beatles’ main selling point after all. Yoko didn’t care about any of that sentiment… her indifference to all that gushing nonsense was and is her primary selling point, and that is why the patriarchs can’t stand her.

This album works well in the brain of any Krautrock aficionado. The screaming vocals sound like Amon-Duul before Amon-Duul II or before Amon-Duul itself. Can were obviously inspired by it, and Can have heavily influenced every decent live music group in their wake. Even the recently deceased and temporary lightening rod David Bowie. Experimentation without any need for verse or chorus management turns out to be a liberating listen. Yoko Ono screaming her lungs out on a record happens to be a good thing. I salute her continued courage and recommend a listen.

17/17 Bananas


The new idea for this blog is to cut and paste emails I would have written to friends who presumably now consider my logorrhoea a mere eccentricity undeserving of even a token reply. Like a politician, the compulsive writer should never be encouraged by voting. From grim experience as a writer, that will not stop him, but may drive the politician into more radical terrain. Terrain which may drive writer or politician insane.

Super Strength Writing

Like Dostoevsky, the contribution to the comments section of this review manages to be tragic and funny at the same time.

Beyond the usual squalid proselytizing, most of it is prose well written. The alcoholic has at least two people squabbling inside of his head – demonstrably, this a situation which can induce the rattling off of decent psychodrama.


  1. Current Employment Status

Paul is a writer

but due to lack of work and no income

he is looking at retraining

to gain viable skills

to secure income.

Paul has moved

up to Nelson

from London

and is living with his parents.

  1. Previous Job Experience

When Paul was working in London,

he was a professional writer.

He did this for 8 years.

Before this Paul worked

at JobCentre Plus in Sheffield.

While at University,

Paul worked at various employers doing

Warehousing, and

Distribution Operative, and

packing goods for distribution.

  1. Skills and abilities

No Driver’s License.

Easily adaptable to multiple roles.

Strong listening skills.

Strong communication skills.

Strong customer service skills.

Strong telephone skills.

Strong writing skills.

Strong attention to detail.

  1. Working / Learning Preference

Paul is seeking

to enter into a new sector

and is seeking

to learn practical skills

to better his chances

of gaining employment

in this field.

  1. Barriers to Employment / Learning

Paul has started

looking for work other than writing.

His degree is not broad enough

to allow Paul to enter

into different sectors of the labour.

Paul has looked at office work,

but does not wish to work in an office.